the journey continues

day 40... nov 20, 2009

it's the last day of the trade-in, yet it feels like it's just the beginning!

the Lord never ceases to amaze me and as i look back to the past two fortnights, i feel like day 1 was a lifetime ago... yes, God has His way of changing people - from the inside out. i feel like i've been reborn (yes, born again!).

officially, trade-in fast ends today but my trade in goes on until the day God takes my breath away. He has a flair for making me whole again... though there may be confusion and ambiguity in what lies ahead, He is my assurance... He keeps me grounded and fearless in His arms... He restores my hope when dreams shatter and promises break... He has won me over with His great love...

i know i am meant to be a centurion and to be a captain of centurions alike... i can't wait for the rest of my life!!! after all, even after today, the journey continues... =)

sweet victory!

day 39... nov 19, 2009

didn't i say victory was coming? it sure did!!!

God truly has a way of testing our faith... and i'm glad i passed this one! even when i got a call from polo air last tuesday, i decided to put my faith to a test. of course i canvassed plane tickets and i was even offered a promotional fare by pal, the deadline of which was yesterday afternoon. i decided to forego it, however, because deep in my heart i believed God is ablt to touch the hearts even of the top management to change their minds about granting me the plane ticket.

the suspense practically ate me up, but i just held on, no matter what. i also thank God for the friends who prayed with me because at 11:03 (hmmm, familiar numbers!) this morning, i received a call from polo air! the exact same lady who told me my booking wasn't granted told me that they purchased a ticket for me... though with a different airline, the flight schedules were practically the same!!! weee!

cuneta astrodome, here i come! i am so excited for the conference because even a week before it actually starts, the thrill chills me to the bones! thank You, Lord for what revelations may come... weee!!!

facebook fever

day 38... nov 18, 2009

i went home from work today so weak from a migraine, headache and slightly elevated temperature... i was supposed to meet janet but such didn't push through because of this. i pondered on what i did for the past few days that may have caused such inconvenience... hmmm, facebook.

i noticed that ever since i started fb last november 9, i slept an hour late because i was so hooked up with chatting and comments and PMs... don't get me wrong, i love FB! i love how it has reconnected me to friends i haven't seen in ages! what bothered me was how undisciplined i was in managing my schedule...

now i understand better how to be a good steward of time and how to respect my body by giving it time to rest... =)

sigh? not anymore!

day 37... nov 17, 2009

sigh... i really had a long day today... i spent almost the entire day in the indonesian consulate for their seminar on bahasa indonesia. the program they introduced was good... sadly though, it is difficult to implement since we do not have the luxury of teaching foreign languages to learners from pre school up to high school other than english.

sigh... while having our lunch break, i made a long distance call to polo air travels and tours to follow up my plane ticket for the 3rd g12 national conference in pasay city next week. i was so certain they would be sending me the e-ticket anytime soon so i was shocked when they told me that they could no longer do so, when in fact the confirmation was given last july yet!

sigh...

but now i stop sighing because i know the lord has a purpose for all these. i shall not waiver in my faith, He will send me there because i have a portion to be received... so hang on tight, you'd be reading my testimony on this one of these days... =)

alec matthew

day 36... nov 16, 2009

it's alec's second monthsary today... he looks so cute and so big, like a six-month old baby... well, i enjoyed taking care of him after work and i know he loves me too because while i had him burp after his 10th meal of the day, he barfed on me... well, i guess that's how children express their appreciation.

our family is so fond of him all the more because he is the first grandson of my parents. he looks so harmless and so endearing but once he gets hungry or sleepy, he becomes so cranky and fussy! (thank You, Lord for patience). he cries as is he is in pain... though that is a good exercise for the lungs! and according to my mama and ate, i have no right to complain because i was as much a cry baby when i was young! imagine that!

well alec, when you grow up and learn how to read blogs, hope you'd appreciate me writing about you... luvyah lots! =)

home

day 35... nov 15, 2009

i noticed that i'm getting fond of posting song lyrics... oh well, i couldn't help myself. i cried when i watched the video of this song wengsky sent me through fb... this is my heart poured out...

"home" by brian mcknight

thinking back when we first met

i remember what You said

You said You'd never leave me

i let go of Your Hand

built my castle in the sand

but now i'm reaching out again

and i'm not letting go

'til You

hold me

mold me

sometimes i feel so all alone

see, i gotta find my way back home

so why don't You

shape me

make me

wash me whiter than the snow

i gotta find my way

back home

Master, upon my knees i pray

i just want to be the clay

put Your arms around me

place my life in Your Hands

Lord, i know i'm just a man

i know You understand

this time i'm not letting go

'til You

anoint me

appoint me

sometimes i feel so alone

see, i gotta find my way back home

so why don't You

chastise me

baptize me

wash me whiter than the snow

i gotta find my way

'coz i'm lost and alone

i've been wandering

long enough to know

humbly i search for You

and i'm not gonna rest

'til You

choose me

use me

sometimes i feel so alone

i'm on my way back home

so why don't You

direct me

bless me

wash me whiter than the snow

i'm on my way

back home

yield

day 34... nov 14, 2009

we had the summit this afternoon... yum3x Word, great fellowship and good reminders for the weekend encounter. i'm soooo excited! as a season of my life has closed, i know it can only get better! i may not know what God has in store for me but i'm pretty sure it would take my breath away...

the day was all the more memorable because after the summit, i chatted with prej and pmerlyn... so wonderful insights they had, and i had to keep asking myself why i didn't listen from my heart years back. there is indeed no taking back the past but God is still molding my future... i wanna yield and not fight! i can't stop saying it, it's euphoric to be home!!!

changes

day 33... nov 13, 2009

shedding off skin cannot begin to compare metamorphosis... what's exciting about a snake that still looks like a snake after "change"? on the contrary, i cannot begin to picture the wonder of a caterpillar hiding inside a pupa and coming out a butterfly ready to spread its wings and fly...

now that i know what it is to be changed from the inside out, i would no longer settle for what is superficial. God knows my heart and He is changing me... slowly, even painfully... yet alloy would never become gold without the heat of fire. i'm taking one step at a time and it feels really good knowing that i'm walking into the arms of my loving Father...

i rest in His embrace where He holds me still and near in His arms of love...

trade in

day 32... nov 12, 2009

i can vividly hear the katinas version of "trading my sorrows" playing in my mind...

i actually started this blog, along with some other things, in response to a trade in covenant to be a centurion, as challenged by our spiritual mama...

God is truly so wise and creative, i thought i'd just be trading in time for blogs and a couple of meals each day... 30 days into this and i gave up more than i bargained for... i shed tears, i lost what i held onto for more than two years... strangely though, at this very moment, i feel complete...

twelve... such a powerful number... i'm so glad i'm posting this today. i just continue to draw strength from God and from the people He has placed close to my heart: my family, eagurlz, bcc, pisd, friends...

now i realize that though i was not taking this covenant lightly, He is more serious about it. He wants to strip me of everything else that wouldn't make me a captain of 100. yet i don't feel hollow, i'm whole again... it's so nice to be home...

hanging by a moment

day 31... nov 11, 2009

this is my love song to You, Lord... sorry it took me this long!!!

"hanging by a moment" by lifehouse

desperate for changing

starving for truth

i'm closer to where i started

im chasing after You

i'm falling even more in love with You

letting go of all i've held onto

i'm standing here until You make me move

i'm hanging by a moment here with You

forgetting all i'm lacking

completely incomplete

i'll take Your invitation

You take all of me now

i'm falling even more in love with You

letting go of all i've held onto

i'm standing here until you make me move

i'm hanging by a moment here with You

i'm living for the only thing i know

i'm running and not quite sure where to go

and i don't know what i'm diving into

just hanging by a moment here with You

there's nothing else to lose

there's nothing else to find

that can change my mind

there is nothing else

there is nothing else

there is nothing else

desperate for changing

starving for truth

i'm closer to where i started

i'm chasing after You

i'm falling even more in love with You

letting go of all i've held onto

i'm living for the only thing i know

i'm running and not quite sure where to go

and i don't know what i'm diving into

just hanging by a moment here with You

just hanging by a moment (here with You)

hanging by a moment (here with You)

hanging by a moment here with You

pastowej

day 30... nov 10, 2009

happy birthday prej! hope you enjoyed what we prepared for you the whole day... sorry i missed the midnight surprise, but i was there in spirit. nakibalita lamang sa mga naka adto...

like what i said (with tears), i am so blessed to be one of your twelve... thank you for letting me shine and discover so many gifts in me i didn't know i possessed... i am grateful for your presence, speaking into my life and urging me to move on...

i hope you liked my gift... i pray that each day i could give you that gift... thank you for your patience, trust and prayers... luvyah always...

first day high

day 29... nov 9, 2009

today marked the beginning of the second semester and i actually felt the "high" of starting classes again after a 10-day semestral break (a first in the history of pisd). the class day started with the usual monday flag ceremony and i was startled by a happy birthday song from the entire high school department. they even had my age wrong, i'm 24, not 22! though i hope i'd look like the latter or even younger! hehe

i was beckoned by the tasks to work, work, work... though i did have a sideline: my natal day in face book! hehe though the account was actually created a day or two after my birthday, it remained stagnant as i was not able to surf the net for a few days... thoughtful people sent me videos, comments, pictures (even a primary pic at that!) to fill up the empty page...

at the end of the day, i had to rush to my godchild's house to retrieve the barong, which together with the rest of the gowns we rented, was scheduled to be returned to sheng's. i had to beat the traffic jam as high school teachers pleaded me to be with them at 6pm. to my surprise, the school was deserted when i came back... (awww, i thought my hunch about a surprise party was right)

then a phone call came and i was instructed to go to gardena fresca, where they were all waiting for me with well wishes and ehem... food! i was touched and moved to tears at the simple yet thoughtful gesture. after dinner, i waited for the text message to go to anne and blessy's apartment to surprise the birthday girl... the clock struck 9... 10... 1030 came and a message was received. toink, it was sent past 9am instructing me to go to serenity spa... i was too late, they were done with the surprise...

it rained hard and as i was conditioned to leave home for bcc to take part in the second surprise of the night, our harana to mother eagle p.rej, i was no longer permitted to leave... huhuhu how can a high accelerate to become a low? oh well, there are more birthdays to come for blessy and prej, and since these ladies are for keeps, i surely will be part of the succeeding surprise parties... what a first day high!

*happy birthday it-it! sorry i wasn't able to make it but deep in my heart, you are treasured... hugs!

through it all

day 28... nov 8, 2009

my day started late as i woke up really late... i had a long night last night... imagine skipping from a wake, to a wedding, to a birthday, to a funeral service... people asked me how the pretend "honeymoon" was and all i could answer was "angelic"... i didn't even get to attend the reception at chicken tsunami, nor have i been there (one thing more in my to-do list)... i slept at 4am this morning, thinking, hoping and praying for my girls. i want them to be strong and more than just teaching them, i knew the best thing to do was pray for them...

it has been a "crazy" 24 hours, and i thank God for keeping me on rock solid ground. He alone holds my sanity. i cried as we sang "through it all" in church this morning. truly, God sees me through every season of my life. how wonderful and faithful He is, nothing can ever defy His goodness and mercy. problems may seem to press us but never crush us, people may persecute us but we shall never be abandoned, life's harsh realities may strike us but we are not destroyed.

i am amazed by the wonder of God's love, how it seeps into the deepest recesses of my being, how it soothes our my and calms my fears. His love alone stands the test of time, without end and without fail. He gives me reason to go on, in Him i live and move and have my being. yes, it is He alone who sees me through it all...

i do...

day 27... nov 7, 2009

i got married today... or so, i did in youth reload... hehe i still am very much single, thank you but going through the "wedding ceremony" surely is a new thing for me. marriage talks about unending love, unconditional devotion and unmistakeable commitment. i couldn't help but think how it would be on my actual wedding day... (so cheesy! - an expression i heard a lot and learned from tonight) well, who wouldn't be? my very own ate meliz jokingly suggests every now and then that we start planning the wedding and just "install" the groom when he comes... hahaha

but wait a minute... i am married! i chose Jesus and i want to stay married to Him... to stay loved and very much in love. prej compared wine to joy tonight... indeed, the times when i felt dry were the exact times i failed to remember how wonderful my marriage is with the lover of my soul... as long as i keep in mind that i am His bride, i can never afford to be unfeeling.

joy comes from within, it comes from Him. He never changes, He stays the same and that can only mean one thing: my joy cannot run out because my Source is from everlasting to everlasting. through whatever season of life, there will always be reason to celebrate: He who has no variation nor shadow of turning! so ask me if i choose to be filled with joy all the time... my answer? i do!

*happy birthday ampleng!!! luvyah lots, thanks for the "inexchangeable, irreplaceable friendship!"

death... where is your sting?

day 26... nov 6, 2009

i was greeted with two messages early this morning. a text message from my spiritual mama prej, and a phone call from my biological mama perla... both conveyed pain, loss, grief...

corki's disciple rejane passed away because of typhiod fever... she was 20... she was young... she was taken... my cousin, kuya jessie passed away because of a fatal heart attack. he was 51... he was still young... he was taken...

how could i go on planning a wedding when here were people close to my heart grieving the loss of a loved one? both deaths so sudden, so unexpected, so uninvited... reality dawned on me like a splash of cold water on the face. death is real. we try to not talk about it to mask the pain, or even the fear... but it still comes...

i am just comforted by the words of Paul when he claimed that we are not people who have no hope!!! Jesus has overcome the grave and we who die in Him shall live with Him! yes, they may have been taken away from us, but as long as they held tight to Jesus' hand, they could never be taken away from Him. as long as we live right with God, we can boldly say, "death, where is your sting? for to live is Christ, and to die is gain"

plug in

day 25... nov 5, 2009

i'm fond of these two words (a command, btw) since about a decade ago, this was the prototype of youth reload (which started as youth service). a lot of times we feel as if we have to keep giving that we run dry. it seems as if life has too much expectations and we gasp for breath as we try to catch up. we find ourselves lost in the daily hustle and bustle that we fail to take time to step back and enjoy not just the gifts in life but the gift of life itself.

indeed we can never give what we don't have and we can only put up with so much pretension that eventually all facades break loose and we come to a painful realization that we no longer are "okay". so why do we respond this way about 90% of the time? perhaps we fear vulnerability. or maybe we are more comfortable doing without the prying eyes of those who seem so keen. most probably because we are used to being indifferent towards ourselves that a simple caring question of howdy? pushes us into defensiveness and sensitivity.

looking through the years when i technically "survived" going around in circles yet getting nowhere, i realized that weariness actually comes when we try to be who we are not and not only do we fool others, we deceive ourselves even more. yes, pretension can be wearisome, especially if we act as if everything depends on us: we say things out of our knowledge, make decisions based on our experiences and do things with our own strength.

yet we are merely creatures, made to operate on the standard of the Creator rather than our own. we were never made to exist by and for ourselves. that is why we are called vessels, made to channel love, grace, compassion, power and strength. we are not our own source. we can never be the source because there is only one... God. if we want to keep moving about, then the only way is to get connected and stay connected. that's right: plug in!

beauty of waiting

day 24... nov 4, 2009

the video we painstakingly made for literally half a day (12 hrs) was finally posted last night... whew... while making the video, we surely had fun... but as i watched it and saw how people reacted joyfully at the scenes unfolding before them, i couldn't help but wish that one day, when all that would be true, i'd see joy all around.

i know i have made more than one error in this area... (pait gyud ang maghulat?!) yes, it seems so hard to wait for something to happen whenever... especially if what matters is only what meets the eye. in the past, i may have been scared of or may have gotten tired of waiting. i tried things on my own that i thought would gratify myself, only to find out in the end that the love song "you and me against the world" is really tragic.

i am a lady in waiting. yes, beginning today... little did i know i could be so vulnerable about this... i realized i just didn't trust God enough that was why i was scared of waiting... i felt that because i didn't see Him as who He really was, is and is to come. He has the best plans for me. indeed, He could and would make me whole again. in the meantime, i will revel at the bauty of waiting...

3:15 am

day 23... nov 3, 2009

i turned twenty-four at exactly 3:15am today... life has been wonderful because God has been wonderful!

i thank the Lord for filling up all the empty spaces, making me whole where the earth has left me void. i thank Him for giving me people in my life who make living so great... family, leaders, disciples, teachers, learners, friends... yet he's making room for even the multitudes!

my life, short of a quarter of a century may have been a roller coaster ride but Jesus is, has been and will always be the rail on which i move on... no matter how swift, how dangerous the curves, how elating the fright may be, there'll always be a reason for me to smile and say, "it's all been worthwhile".

say it again

day 22... nov 2, 2009

*this song is used in the video

"i'm getting married"

for youth reload livewire

on november 7, 2009

6pm @ buhangin community church

"say it again" by marie digby

the thing about love is i never saw it coming

it kinda crept up and took me by surprise

and now there's a voice inside my heart that's got me wondering

is this true? i want to hear it one more time

move in a little closer

take it to a whisper

just a little louder

say it again for me coz i love the way it feels

when you are telling me that

i'm the only one who blows your mind

say it again for me

it's like the whole world stops to listen

when you tell me you're in love

say it again

the thing about you is you know just how to get me

you talk about us like there's no end in sight

the thing about me is that i really want to let you

open that door and walk into my life

move in a little closer

take it to a whisper

just a little louder

say it again for me coz i love the way it feels

when you are telling me that

i'm the only one who blows your mind

say it again for me

it's like the whole world stops to listen

when you tell me you're in love

and it feels like it's the first time

that anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain

and never in my whole life

have i heard words as beautiful as when you say my name

say it again for me coz i love the way it feels

when you are telling me that

i'm the only one who blows your mind

say it again for me

it's like the whole world stops to listen

when you tell me you're in love

say it again

when you tell me you're in love

say it again

start of something new

day 21... nov 1, 2009

i'm just glad because God is bringing our beloved bcc (buhangin community church) to another level. at the start of the 11th month of this year, we also started having two worship services on sunday morning in buhangin... weee! it's so excting... the first service is now slated at 730-930am while the second one is at 10-12nn... of course, mintal service still goes on at 9-11am while the afternoon service in matina is also going strong at 5-7pm.

bcc was not full-packed as usual sunday services are, since the leaders now have options as to which service to attend. pastor ruffy put the challenge this way: before, the church was full so the challenge to bring in more people was weak. now that we see more vacant chairs and more room for more people, the challenge becomes stronger...

weee! God has really used the g12 system to make lots of good changed in people and even in churches. every sunday is even better than the last and it could just keep getting better. i thank the Lord for birthing me into this vision, coz i surely want to be part of this large harvest in davao city... thank You, Lord for always starting something new and for always being faithful to finish what good You have started in us...